It takes a lot to determine if you are ripe and ready for marriage, unlike when age is one of the vital factors and determinants years back. You might be amazed how many married couples will admit how uncertain they are before they got married. If pressed further, you would realize that most would still be single by now if given the chance to manually turn back the hands of time. Every major decision we make in life becomes successful if we have a prior knowledge on the proper route to follow; putting into consideration the important reviews of those who have been there.
If you thinking of getting married soon and are guilty of one or any of the 10 marriage determinants below, you might want to give a resounding “No, I’m not ready for marriage” to your partner; followed by a deep thought to further strengthen your readiness.
There are some signs that show you are not ready for marriage yet, which are pretty obvious. Sometimes, you need not be told to figure out that you are not ready to get married at this time. For instance, if you are an expert in finding convincing reasons to cheat on your partner, while in a relationship, then you sure not at the right stage to think about settling down yet.
Signs You Are Not Ready For Marriage Yet
Whether you are in a relationship or not, there are some signs that matrimony isn’t your thing at this stage of your life, and you may want to have a re-think to better prepare yourself for marriage. You can choose to get married at 25 and enjoy the early marriage advantages or you can decide to walk down the aisle at 40 and be bitter, or vice versa. These have no impact to deciding a happy marriage, but here are some vital attribute that shows marriage is bigger than you for now.
1. You still could not get over your exes
You are not qualified to be legally and emotionally committed to another partner whom you plan to share the rest of your life with if the feelings about your exes won’t go away. It is cool to invite them to your wedding (if you are sure it is safe), hook them up to have a nice time, get them drunk (if they are that kind) etc, but if they are still attracted to you in whatsoever way that you can’t let go, then marriage is not for you at this time. You are simply not ready for marriage which we all know is all about commitment.
This commitment, on the other hand, also involves knowing how to set boundaries with your exes. All past relationships should carefully be separated from current one if you are looking at building a happy family.
2. You are not done ‘having fun yet’
The most popular culprit of marriage breakups nowadays is the inability of either partner being contended with the other. They battle with the feelings and regrets of rushing into marriage when they should have observed a little more time to explore fun. Crazy thoughts like, “What, I had bearly slept with more than X number of people before this marriage slams in”. You often feel the urge to break loose from that husband or wife who hates clubbing and partying so much but you can’t help it. So, if you feel there is need to enjoy life a bit more before you settle down, then for the first time in a while (maybe), YOU ARE RIGHT!
3. You are more concerned with Wedding Plans than Marriage Plans
Weddings are superb. You want to make sure you do this once in a lifetime except if you are celebrating its anniversary as a second. In most cases, more time is spent preparing and agonizing over the wedding details than actually considering plans to make the marriage work. There is need to envision your life beyond the pictures you plan to post on Facebook after the celebration, in order to attract huge likes and comments. Marriage may not be for you yet if you don’t have a solid plan to live a fulfilled life after your wedding (See the difference between marriage and wedding here).
Also, be reminded that your desired wedding is just the beginning, and those who made plans for their after-wedding life do find it difficult to fulfill – let alone you who has no plan beyond the party. In fact, if you know more about the wedding make-ups at your upcoming wedding than you do about your partner’s best food, then I can say YOU ARE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE.
4. You can’t take sh*t
I heard you a boss lady. Every of your friends couldn’t compete when you talk about the extras you’ve got in your closet. This apparently has deformed you so bad that you feel on top of the world. Talking about taking sh*ts, I desist that too – with passion. I mean, I am always like, “what the f*k do you think you are… don’t ever talk to me like that again – ever!” For one thing, you don’t ever want to make yourself available to be taken for granted, but this attitude has to step aside for marriage. If you have been in few relationships (which I believe you have), you would understand those partners have got their own sh*t. In the context of marriage, these sh*ts (whatever they are) must be respected and managed.
5. You don’t trust your partner’s reaction with your secrets
It is a bit complex when it comes to sharing the whole truth about you with someone else most time – at least, I have been there too. Must I tell my husband-to-be about how many guys I have slept with? Do I need to tell him how I was severally molested when I was in secondary school by that stupid head teacher? Must I tell my girlfriend that I once had a crush on her friend? Do you have secrets that only your family knows about – probably the ugly part of your background, and you aren’t sure how your partner would react to them? The point is, if you are afraid to share your secrets with you partner for the fear of judgement, then marriage is still very much bigger than you.
6. You hate your current situation
So, you choose to get married because you hated your way of life so bad and actually want to get out of that bad situation, with the hope that getting entangled with your new partner forever will change your life? You are missing the vital point already. If you are to get married thinking your partner would help you get over a habit or a bad thought, then you plan is hopefully going to be fruitless. There is a pretty good chance that the factors that made your life sucks are never going to have a positive impact on marriage, instead, they will walk majestically along into the new life you had planned to build.
7. You plan to fix your relationship issues with marriage
You must have been thinking, that the only way to get over your current awful relationships is to embrace a forever vows in holy matrimony. Well, just before you experience a bitter disappointment, making marriage vows is never an avenue to fix your relationship problems. Mr. X left you because he felt you are too arrogant. You have your eyes on other ladies was Miss. B’s reason for dumping you for another man. Truth is, marriage will never fix your ego, nor clean your mind from infidelity. These are decisions that must be worked an overcome before you come anywhere close to marriage.
8. You feel intimidated or pressured to get married
You are not ready for marriage if you are being pressured into it. It is never said that marriage licenses expire at 28, even though I always like to see young couples together (it melts my heart). I understand that Jane’s marital status has just changed from “in a relationship” to “got married” and you can’t imagine what people who know she was your friend would be thinking about you right now. See, a happy marriage is what really matters because it will last a lot longer than any feeling of being left out that you may feel today. Also, dealing with the reality of an awful marriage will be far worse than having an awkward feeling at a friend’s wedding reception!
9. You want to make people envious
Obviously, you are not ready for marriage if the only reason you have to walk down the aisle is to make people envious, please step aside and let’s do a proper selection of those who are real. Just because the woman living next door has concluded that your attitude may hinder you to getting a good partner, let alone getting married, then you feel it is wise to surprise them by showing off as fast as you can in a white gown. Whether you are trying to make your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/friends jealous over your decorated wedding face or making the neighbours amazed that you are finally taken, if your reason or focus is outside sustaining a happy family (come what may), then you’ve got to step aside for marriage at this time.
10. You can’t parent someone else’s child
For some reasons, you may at a time in your life realize you have a strong bond with a single parent. This is never a bad feeling if you are sure you know what you’re doing… and depending on the circumstances of their previous relationship. If you don’t see yourself parenting someone else’s children, is it just not safe to stay out of their life?
The reality is this that, being in a relationship with a single parent translates to your readiness to embrace their children too. If you can’t, then you may have to consider finding a new partner. But out of the context of “single parenting” per say, your partner must have siblings if niece/nephews who may come around to spend some time in your home. This time, maybe I should be saying something like, “You are not ready for marriage if you don’t like to see other people’s kid around”.
11. You have not dated your partner for long
Based on statistics, most studies reveal a clear difference in divorce rate using factors like the numbers of years a couple has dated. Most of these stats have it that dating in less than two years and getting married has a higher divorce rate than couples who dated much longer (you can always make your own research). However, a twist of the same research also has it that dating too long before getting married gets boring along the line which open partners to the risk of marital problems.
For the record, I have being an advocate of early marriage due to the numerous advantages it entails. In this regard, putting things in place before jumping on to say “I DO” means a lot in a situation where you are double-minded. Sometimes, we feel the urge to eat a wedding cake of our own, when we can easily buy one from Shoprite and have a nice time during a lunch outing.