What are the most important things to teach your child? Skill related, morals and values which dictates his everyday live; making him a better person and accepted by all in the society? How do I ensure these skills are well practised and maintained?
These are some basic question you must ask yourself before rating your parental skills. Children are accepted by the society same way they are brought up. But an average parent would want to get some amount of appraisal for a job well done. Achieving these might require stepping your parental skills a bit.
Foundation is important. This is why you must ensure and teach your child all basic morals and values stated below before his 18th birthday.
(1) Help him overcome the fear of failure
Quite a number of times, the zeal of making your child better than his peer makes you instill fears in his heart unknowingly. Here are few examples you might regard as nothing which in turn has the capability of creating fear on him. When you say things like:
- You must put in your best to be better than the other child.
- The reason you must win this competition is because you will become popular and everyone will love you.
- Make sure you study very hard so we can be proud of you.
The above illustrations might be aimed to motivate your child. It is only normal to feel this way. But for a moment, think of it in such a way that you are directly instilling fear on your child. This makes them aim for perfection which might result to a stressed appearance.
Below are few recommendations rather than the above towards helping them overcome fear:
- Do not stress yourself out trying to excel at everything. It is important you do things because you love to do them, not for the purpose of impressing anyone.
- What are your preparations towards the competition? I think it is important to win, but definitely not the most important.
(2) Teach your child how to think healthy
Be careful to note the differences between healthy thinking and anxious thinking. Being anxious is trying to coarce your child to acceptance like you are thinking right now. Do not rush your child into worrying too much on things.
- Your final exams is fast approaching and you don’t feel worried, why are you like this?
- Your marks are so not encouraging. Chioma is doing better in the same course, you really should be like him.
- Do I need to remind you to amend your ways because you are grown up now?
Do not deterr your child into being overwhelmed, loaded with self-consciousness and inferiority complex!
Never encourage your child to think too anxiously. Learning is a process. As a matter of fact, it is a learning process. Certainly, he will become a pro within a short time with no anxiety attachment whatsoever. Don’t compare him to the other child with intentions to motivate him. Positive motivations excluding comparisons strengthens his desires naturally.
Don’t make your 7year old child behave like a 16 year old. Accept their behaviour as per their age and don’t expect them to behave like grown-ups.
(3) Build him a positive self image
Negative self image may involve enforcing him to do well to attain good grades in school – to make him believe he can be like his siblings – to make him read fast, run and write faster. This teaching encourages low self image and worth.
Don’t pressurize him to focussing on attaining grades and praises. Because each person is different, you can not make him be like his siblings. This is a fact you must understand and accept. Don’t rush kids into being faster in everything they do. Every child learn at their own pace and speed happens naturally depending on how often a task is done.
(4) Teach your child to be creative
You are not always going to be available to meet all his needs. Teach your child in such a way he would be able to handle simple things on his own. Even the toughest situation has its own clearing route. Help your child build a creative mind so that when all approaches seem not to work, a temporal application should save the day.
At a point in life, we all need to invent thoughts and things that never exist. Make your child study existing inventions and help them think of possible ways to create theirs. This helps profer solutions when real life challenges stare at them.
(5) Help your kid advocate for himself
This is more like helping them overcome the fear of meeting people. Especially when they have to meet with higher authorities so as to discus issues relating to their personal life.
As a parent who wants to help her child grow as an authority, you must endeavour to build the confidence in him at all time. Don’t always speak on his behalf, instead, give clues on what he needs to say and make him develop in his own way.
“You’re not competent, and I’m going to have to do it for you,’ which is terribly harming,” Lythcott-Haims says.
Teach your child to have a conversation with an authority figure and advocate for themselves.
“Look honey, I know you’re frustrated about this grade. I can feel you’re upset about what happened at school the other time. You need to be the one to go talk to your teacher in a respectful way”
As a way of building his confidence, make him practice with you before facing the original authority. Prepare him to listen well to what others are saying to further build their understanding level.